How to Make College Suck Less

Let’s be honest, here. The newness of school has worn away, and now it just sucks. Like, it really sucks. Homework, annoying professors, the class Hermione Granger, you get the picture. Luckily for you and me, there’s ways to make school just a little more bearable. I know, it’s almost too good to be true. Almost. Made-up statistics show that with the tips below, you’re forty-four times less likely to kill yourself at the end of the school day. That’s pretty substantial. So check out my suggestions, put down the Adderall and get in touch with your inner child along the way.

1. Pack your lunch.

Lunch Box

Photo courtesy of: http://www.sogoodblog.com

I don’t mean a Campbell’s soup-at-hand. I mean the kind of lunch Mom used to make. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, grapes, and Disney princess/Batman gummy snacks. Aw, yeah. You know what I’m taking about. For bonus points, go out and score one of those sweet metal lunch boxes.

2. Invest in some gel pens.

DreamsTime Gel Pens

Photo courtesy of: http://www.dreamstime.com

Gels pens are the doodler’s palette. Nothing makes that crude drawing of your least favorite professor pop like a little splash of milky color. Gel pens are perfect for: writing notes, drawing on your arm, drawing on your neighbor’s arm and altogether ignoring lectures. To get yours, just click the picture.

3. Laugh at inappropriate things.

Teacher Disapproves

Photo courtesy of: https://lifestyle.uk.msn.com

It’s okay to laugh when the answer is 69. It’s also okay to laugh every time your women and gender studies professor says, “sex.” Yes, it’s immature. Yes, your professor will probably hate you. But if you can’t laugh at “gluteus maximus” during anatomy, is life really worth the living?

 4. Ride your bike to class.

Bike

Photo courtesy of: http://www.walmart.com

When was the last time you rode you bike? I mean, really rode your bike. Feet flying, hair whipping, hands stretching to the sky. Sure, you might look like an idiot, but you’ll still look better than that size 0 girl “rocking” her extra-large T-shirt over some possibly-non-existent Nike shorts. We all know one.

P.S. WalMart, please don’t sue me for using your picture.

5. Bring your Gameboy to school.

Zelda Wikia

Photo courtesy of: http://zelda.wikia.com

No PS3 or NintenDS. I’m talking old-school Super Mario Bros., Warioland, Tetris, Kirby and Pokemon. Whether it’s in between classes, over lunch or on your daily bus ride, you whip out that Gameboy Advance with pride. It’s not like you were going to use that time to study anyways. Please. Bonus points for game-play during lecture.

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If you have your own tried-and-true tricks for getting through the school day, feel free to drop a line or two in the comments below. Remember, forty-four percent. Don’t let someone die because you were too cool to share.

Poppin’ Tags: The Gamer’s Guide to B-List Games

Atari Game Cartridge Poster by Hollis Brown Thornton

You step into Vintage Stock, the smell of awesome flooding your senses. Cue Thrift Shop. You only got 20 dollars in your pocket, and rows upon rows of dusty old video games are begging to be bought like puppies in a Wal-Mart parking lot. You’re itching to reach for that $26 copy of Dr. Mario N64, but you want to get the most for your money. The answer is simple: B-list games.

B-list games are no different than B-list movies: they’re cheap, short, and not exactly basking in fame. Does that make them any less awesome? “No!” cried a random Netflix-lover from his mother’s basement. One of the trickiest parts about B-list games is distinguishing fun from flops.  So before you blow that grocery money from your mom on Pyramid for NES, take a step back.  I, your gaming fairy godmother, am here to help with my magical list of buck-worthy, old-school Nintendo B-list games.

NES

Paperboy, 1984 – Atari

The objective is simple. Complete all 7 levels by delivering papers to subscribers’ houses while dodging dogs, skateboard punks, and random tornadoes. Easy enough, right? Wrong. It’s about as stressful as babysitting triplets. On the plus side, you get to jam to a kickin 8-note soundtrack.

Cost: $12

SNES

Q*Bert 3, 1992 – Gottlieb

Although Q*Bert might be a classic, Q*Bert 3 certainly isn’t. Game play resembles the original in that Q*Bert must change the color of all the tiles by jumping on them while avoiding terrifying enemies like purple snakes and bouncy frogs.

Cost: $13

N64

Chameleon Twist, 1997 – Japan System Supply

The goal is to beat the boss at the end of one of six obnoxiously long levels by sucking in villains and shooting them out like spit wads. Of course, this will rely on your practically infinite Yoshi-tongue. If you like the game, you’re in luck. There’s an even better sequel.

Cost: $16

Gameboy

Mary-Kate and Ashley: Girls Night Out, 2002 -Powerhead Games

Judge me if you will, but once you get past the leather pumps and sugary beats this boils down to an addictive Dance Dance Revolution for your thumbs. Trust me guys, if the premise was disguised in martial arts or something masculine, you’d love it. It’s catchy. It’s challenging. It’s Girls Night Out.

Cost: $4

There you have it. My go-to list of B-list games. Have something to add? Feel free to throw your own favorites into the comments below, and be sure to follow my blog for more nostalgic Nintendo to come!

Dr. Mario

The Nostalgia Blog

With his busy plumbing career, his constant go-cart driving and frequent murder attempts on seemingly innocent turtles, you wouldn’t think Mario had time to go out and become a fully licensed physician. But he did. He probably would have done it earlier in life had he not wasted so much time rescuing Princess Toadstool from her many kidnappings. Mario, at some point you got to ask yourself: if this girl gets kidnapped this easy and often, maybe she shouldn’t be rescued? I mean do you want someone that dumb running a monarchy? Something to think about.

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The Superest Mario of All

What is the best Mario game ever made?

Thinking...

For the average Joe, this question goes along with turkey or ham?, but for me it’s right up there with journalism or English degree?. Mario Galaxy, Mario Go Kart, Doctor Mario…the list is as long as those end of game credits. Although comparing NES games with Wii games is a bit like comparing Led Zeppelin to Coldplay, I accept the challenge in compiling my top five, across the board, Mario picks.
Challenge Accepted
#5 – Super Mario Galaxy

Galaxy
Best Level: Loopdeeloop Galaxy
Worst Level: The Underground Ghost Ship
Final Boss: Too Easy
Best Feature: A new princess character! (Daisy doesn’t count. Everyone knows she was just created so Luigi wasn’t the third wheel.)

#4 – Paper Mario 64

Paper Mario
Best Level: Hot Hot Times on Lavalava Island
Worst Level: The “Invincible” Tubba Blubba
Final Boss: Difficult but beatable
Best Feature: The game champions strategy over reflexes, as battles are fought on a per turn basis. Plus, he folds up into an adorable little paper airplane.

#3 – Mario Go Kart N64

Go Kart 64
Best Level: Rainbow Road
Worst Level: Banshee Boardwalk
Final Boss: None
Best Feature: Banana peels, red shells, confusing upside-down-question-mark bombs: Mario Go Kart has everything; and just because it’s old doesn’t mean it’s easy. You try beating Toad’s Turnpike without crashing into one car. You’ve got better odds of waking up with your head sewn to the carpet.

#2- Super Mario N64

Mario N64
Best Level: Cool, Cool Mountain
Worst Level: Jolly Rogers Bay
Final Boss: Difficult but beatable
Best Feature: The first 3-D Mario game in existence: pure, classic gold.

#1 – Super Mario Bros. 3 NES

Super Mario 3
Best Level: World 5 Level 1
Worst Level: World 7 Level 1
Final Boss: Stupid difficult.
Best Feature: Maybe it’s my fancy for nostalgia, but no modern graphics nor nunchuck controller can trump the simplistic heroism of a pixelated Mario bonking a crudely boxy Bowser on the head to save a newly blonde Peach.

Beg to differ? Feel free to make your case.