S*#! Students Say Part II

As you may recall, I wrote a post in May called S*#! Students Say, chronicling the unbelievably stupid and completely true things I’ve heard students say around campus. Shocking stuff, right? Well, now that the fall semester is upon us, it seems like the perfect time for the long-awaited sequel, don’t you think? I agree.

In the first post, I asked for your craziest quotes, and you delivered! Three of today’s fabulous quips came from readers, so props to those of you willing to share your s*#! with the world. Keep it up, and thanks for reading! As a final reminder, all of the quotes are real and free of fabrication.

So, without further ado, I give you “S*#! Students Say Part II.” Enjoy.

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Sorority Girl: Hey, Jessica! Psssst! What’s the plural of moose? It’s meese, right?

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Stereotypical freshmen girl (to boy beside her): My goal is to learn everyone’s name by the end of the semester!

Boy : This is a 200-student lecture.

Freshman:

 

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From SaraAnneThinks:

Girl: If I were a beard, I would be that guy’s beard.

Guy: If you were a beard, I would shave you.

Girl: Well, I wouldn’t live on your face!

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Girl: Were you on royal baby watch?!

Me: No.

Girl: Ugh, I was. I absolutely lost it when the prince was born. I mean, I cried for like a good ten minutes.

Me:

Stupidity

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Embarrassment to Womankind: That assignment was SO hard.

Friend: Oh gosh, I’m sorry. Why was it so hard? Did he not explain it or anything?

Embarrassment: He did. It’s just that we had to find the slope.

Friend:

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From Jim:

Guy: So your an English major. Right?

Girl: Yea, that’s right.

Guy: So are you going to be a teacher when your graduate?


Girl: Oh no, I want to be a neurosurgeon.

Guy: Wow, that’s really cool. So your taking pre-med stuff in addition to your English major?


Girl: No.

Guy: No? How will you become a neurosurgeon?

Girl: Probably never will, I just like to set my goals really high…..

FacePalm

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Typical White Girl at Starbucks #1: Guys, I’m gonna’ treat myself today! Hmmmm. What should I get? I know it’s like SO bad for you, but I’m gonna’ get a cheese Danish.

Typical White Girl at Starbucks #2: That’s disgusting!

Typical White Girl at Starbucks #1: Gross? It’s a pastry with cream cheese in it. How could that possibly be gross?

Typical White Girl at Starbucks #2: Oh! I thought it was like real cheese.

Typical White Girl at Starbucks #1: Emily. Cream cheese is real cheese.

Typical White Girl at Starbucks #2:

Karen

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From Robyn:

Girl #1: “I didn’t like that movie so much. The abortion scene grossed me out.”

Girl #2: “Abortion? You mean where she had a C-Section?”

Girl #1: “Whatever. I mean, like, what’s the difference?”

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Have you heard some s*#! around campus? Then share your most craziest quotes in the comment! Who knows? There may just be a part III in the future. And of course, as always, for more laughs at the expense of others, be sure to follow my blog!

S*#! Students Say

Fat Amy

Eavesdropping is easily a writer’s greatest tool, and while walking around campus I find it physically impossible to turn off my ears. Sometimes it’s easy to forget just how ridiculous college kids can be, so as a constant reminder I decided to jot down some of my favorite quotes that I’ve stumbled upon over the year. Today, I’d like to share them with you in As Told by Laura’s newest segment, S*#! Students Say.

Note: no quotes have been fabricated for the benefit of this post.

Enjoy.

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Guy: “So, are you and Tyler official now?”

Girl: “Oh, definitely. It’s official.”

Guy: “Yay! How did he ask you out?”

Girl: “Well, he held my hand at a movie two weeks ago.”

Guy: “Oh…uh…congrats.”

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Girl: “So, for my science and technology class, I have to write a report on compact discs. I had to go home and look that up. Do you know they’re just CDs?”

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Girl #1: “Ugh, I had to go home this weekend to help my sister shop for a wedding dress.”

Girl #2: “I thought you hated your sister? Aren’t you, like, not talking?”

Girl #1: “I do, but it’s okay. She looked fat in her dress.”

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Guy: “I spent last week volunteering at an elementary school, and I learned something about myself.”

Girl: “Yeah?”

Guy: “I try to love all kids equally, I really do, but it is so hard to love the fat ones.”

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Guy (to entire bus full of people): “These b*#!&$ be talking like cray back here! Why they gotta’ talk so much?”

Girls on bus proceed to stare angrily.

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Girl #1: “So, what’s your major again?”

Girl #2: “Oh, I’m double majoring in Biochemistry and English. I know they’re not really related, but I just excel at both.”

Girl #1: “Oh…”

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Tutor: “So you’ll just want to place the adjective right next to the noun, just like in English.”

Student: “Right.”

Tutor: “So, for this sentence, where would you put the adjective?”

Student: “What’s an adjective again?”

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So, what’s the best thing you’ve ever heard someone say at school? Drop your best quote in the comments below!