12 New Year’s Resolutions from Disney Princesses

1. Make More Wishes

Whether it’s upon a dream, a well or a star, never stop thinking about your someday. Who knows? It might just come true.

2. Buy the Shoes

Who said a simple pair of shoes can’t change your entire life? Imagine how disappointed Cinderella would have felt had she settled for plastic. Exactly.

3. Get More Sleep

Okay, maybe 100 years is a little excessive. But couldn’t we all use a little more beauty sleep? Plus, you  might just wake up to a handsome prince. Don’t worry, you’ve met before – once upon a dream, of course.

4. Speak Up

Oh, so you didn’t have your voice ripped from your throat by a morbidly obese sea witch? Then don’t be such a guppy! If you don’t want be a poor unfortunate soul, then say what needs to be said.

5. Put Your Nose in a Book

There’s nothing like getting lost in a good book, amiright? Far off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise! Your next adventure in the great wide somewhere awaits.

6. Discover a Whole New World

Who couldn’t go for a new fantastic point of view? Sometimes all you need is a new perspective to find that diamond in the rough.

7. Paint with All the Colors of the Wind

I really have no idea what this means, but I know I want to do it.

8. Be True to Your Heart

If that means chopping off your hair, dishonoring your family and rushing to join the army, then you just do it. Remember, the flower that blooms in adversity is the most beautiful of all. Now, cue cheesy 90s theme song.

9. Take the Plunge

You thought I was going to say work harder, didn’t you? Sometimes in life you just gotta’ take the risks, especially if that risk is a hottie named Naveen. Go big or go home, right?

10. Break a Few Rules

Rules were made to be broken, right? If you’re ready for your life to begin, then you gotta take a few chances. It could just be your best day ever!

11. Keep Your Eye on the Target

Remember all those hopes and dreams and goals? Go get them. Today is the day to change your fate, all you need is a little aim, a rockin’ bow and a hearty dose of bravery.

12. Let It Go

The most beautiful thing about a new year is the opportunity to start over. So for the first time in forever, let it go – leave your worries, fears and failures in the past.

Antiresolutions

antiresolutions

Each year on December 31st we reflect on all the things we’d like to improve for the upcoming year. If, as Newton proposed, there is an equal and opposite reaction for every action, then it only makes sense that for each resolution there exists an antiresolution.

“What’s an antiresolution?”

If resolutions are what we’d like to do, then antiresolutions are, quite simply, what we don’t wish to do. Here’s an example to help you get the feel of things.

Resolution: In 2013, I’d like to lose weight.

Antiresolution: In 2013, I’d like to not be anorexic.

“Oh, I get it now! Well, what are your antiresolutions for 2013, Laura?”

How sweet of you to ask! For 2013 I have five antiresolutions, but I don’t want to bore you with small talk. Oh, you insist? Are you sure? Great! Well…

1. After eating an entire box of brownie batter by myself, I will not complain about being a lard polyp. Brownie belly and I will make peace.

2. Despite the obvious convenience, I will not get my eyebrows waxed at the cheap nail salon on 12th and Main. One janky eyebrow leaves a lasting impression.

3. In accordance with annual tradition, I will decide to knit 40% of my Christmas gifts, but I will not wait until Decembers 24th to cast on the first stitches.

4. I will not succumb to Target’s 5 for 20 pantie trap. Every. Single. Time.

5. I will not scream, shout, nor wave my arms frantically to my friends on campus until I am 100% sure it is actually my friend and not some backside twin with a pedophile mustache.

There you have it, my official 2013 antiresolutions list. So I guess the real question is, what are yours?