The 6 Stages of Final Exams As Told by Harry Potter

1. Denial

Finals? Hahahahaha! Please. I’ve still got an entire week left. Do you have any idea what I can accomplish in that short amount of time? Seriously, there’s nothing to worry about. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna’ go paint my nails like little zebras.

2. Anger

Okay, it’s not like I’m mad about finals or anything, but seriously? A comprehensive test? How unfair is that?! And it’s worth, like, 96 percent of my grade. I’m too mad to study. School is so stupid. No, everything is stupid. LET’S START A REVOLUTION!

3. Procrastination

I’m just gonna’ go over to Tiffany’s for a quick study session. I always do my best work in groups. Oh, and Jennifer, Michael and Josh will be there too, but we’re definitely gonna’ get stuff done. Definitely…

4. Cramming

Okayokayokay. Two hours left until the test. I have four Redbulls in the fridge, and I. can. do. this. No need to panic. No need to panic. NO NEED TO PANIC.

5. Apathy

You know what? I don’t even care. 200 question multiple choice? Come at me, bro.

6. Recovery

Student down, STUDENT DOWN! The road to post-final recovery may be long and troublesome, but that’s why God invented Netflix and Nutella.

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A Final’s Poem

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Months of ill seduction,

Courting Mistress Apathy,

Prepare now for destruction,

A brutal mistress she can be.

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Though tempt you as they may,

Think seldom of intentions best,

And hound you night and day.

Hollow eyes and groggy moans,

Bid you come and sleep,

But Charles Dickens and chromosomes,

Their burdens, how they heap!

Those sweet rivers of coffee,

Flowing ceaseless in the night,

An Aderol, for you and me,

Now summon the valor to fight!

The horizon; Yes, I see it!

Take heart – the end draws near,

Her promises the dawn have lit,

With tides of Christmas cheer.

***

Written by Yours Truly, wishing you all the best of luck.