15 Times Nigel Thornberry Totally Got Your Life

1. Every time you walk into a Barnes and Noble.

2. The first time you were ALL about that bass.

3. HOLD UP. Did someone say Pumpkin Spice Latte?

4. You + Ulta + Marc Jacobs Perfume =

5. Whaaaaaat?! Your crush is going to that party? You totally had NO idea. #WokeUpLikeThis

6. Grandma has used “Surprise Kiss” attack. WHOA! It’s SUPER effective. Critical hit!

7. Pop Culture 101: This is a milkshake. It brings all the boys to the yard.

8. Remember that moment when you suddenly realized that your ex looks like Janet Reno?

9. Don’t lie. We all know an ugly baby. #RealTalk #SoPrecious

10. Two words. Ned Stark.

11. Why yes, I DID get a haircut. Thank you for noticing!

12. Oh, this? It’s just my new Bath and Body Works shower gel. You couldn’t afford it.

13. C’mon. We’ve all had at least one bad experience with Google.

14. That awkward moment when you pretend to be Ariel in your dog’s outdoor kiddie pool.

15. Remember when you read that super weird but totally hilarious Nigel Thornberry blog post?

Disney: Expectation versus Reality

Over the past twenty-some years, I’ve learned a lot about life from Disney. I mean, A LOT. Always wish upon a star, be a diamond in the rough, never tangle with a sea witch. But as you know, the movies aren’t always all they’re cracked up to be. Here are a just few Disney expectations that didn’t quite pass the test of reality.

1. Diving

Swim class? What the heck, Mom? I don’t need swimming and diving lessons in the fifth grade. Please. I learned everything I need to know about free-falling poise from Pocahontas.

Expectation

Reality

2. Sewing

Ugh. I have NOTHING to wear. You know what? I’m going to start making all of my own clothes. That’s right – all of them. I’ve seen Cinderella like a hundred times. Seriously, how hard could it be?

Expectation

Reality

3. Swimming

Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh, ahhh-ahhh-ahhh! Oh, hello there! Don’t mind me. I’m just gracefully flipping underwater in my swirly-twirly way whilst singing to the invisible marine life in my 3-foot swimming pool.

Expectation

Reality

4. Pirates

I’d walk your plank, Jack Sparrow.

Expectation

Reality

5. Wild Animals

Of course I want a pet raccoon. They have a mild temperament, wicked braiding skills and unparalleled affection – like snuggley feral kittens.

Expectation

Reality

6. Stranger Danger

Dance with you entirely alone in a dark secluded alleyway? I thought you’d never ask!

Expectation

Reality

7. Flying

Faith ✓ – Trust ✓ – Pixie Dust ✓

Houston, we’re ready for takeoff.

Expectation

Reality

So, what false expectations has Disney given you?