Mondays As Told by Harry Potter

8 a.m.

*stares blankly at monitor* “And then she greeted death as an old friend, and went with him gladly.”

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9 a.m.

“Yeah…wow…cool. Your 12-day trip to Greece sounds super awesome. Um, do you know if we’re out of donut-flavored K cups? Are we ordering more soon or what? I just really need some caffeine RN.”

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10 a.m. Staff Meeting

Boss: “Unless you all have anything else, I think we’re finished!”

Coworker: “Actually, I have a few items I’d like to discuss.”

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11 a.m.

THE. HANGER. IS. REAL.

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12:00:01 p.m.

Boss: “Hey, before you guys head to lu-”

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1 p.m.

When your colleague says, “Boy, the day’s really flying by!”

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2 p.m.

*daydreaming about retirement*

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3 p.m.

That moment when you realize there’s still TWO HOURS left.

 

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4 p.m.

Why. Is. Time. Moving. So. Slowly.

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5 p.m.

“LAURA HAS NO MASTER!” *pulls sock out of desk, sprints through door*

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If you want to see more of life As Told by Harry Potter, check out The 6 Stages of Final Exams!

My Adventure Book

Hans Christian Anderson once said that life itself is the most wonderful fairytale. This is one of my favorite quotes, which is no surprise if you know me. As you might remember from a former post, I am a firm believer in bucket lists. For me, it’s less of a to-do list and rather a representation of someone I hope to be—brave, adventurous, spontaneous, uninhibited. My bucket list is a lot like Ellie’s Adventure Book from Disney’s Up!. “More Disney?” you whine. Yes, but bear with me!

I recently graduated from college and began my adult life working full-time. Like any newbie, there are days when I wonder what exactly I am working towards. What I want out of life. Where I will go.  The big “what next”. For the first time, my life isn’t scripted, and that terrifies me. Like plenty of people, I challenge myself to move one step closer to Paradise Falls every day. Even though I don’t really know what my dream is yet—maybe it’s becoming the next J.K. Rowling or marketing a Disney blockbuster—I am sometimes overwhelmed by the burden of making it come true. It’s a blessing and a curse, I guess. Maybe you’ve felt that way, too.

It feels sort of like this…

If you’re not moving forwards you’re moving backwards, right? That’s how I looked at college. Most days were part of an uphill climb to the next milestone on the road to successful alumna. I had this need to make something of myself simply to prove I could. The idea of mindlessly drifting along like a balloon-tethered house in the sky seemed like a total waste, and I used milestones to measure my progress in the Adventure Book of life.

Don’t get me wrong, those achievements were great! They provided so many opportunities. But those milestones seemed to me the very point of college, and now? I think I was wrong. When I look back over the past four years, those accomplishments sort of melt away in my mind. I tend to overlook the typical “highlights”—my first time making honor roll, studying abroad in England, landing an internship, my first time inside the Sooner stadium. Instead, it’s the little, seemingly insignificant things that stand out.

 Hitting the 24/7 donut shop at midnight with my friends, schooling my folks at Bananagrams, meeting up every week for the new American Horror Story episode, celebrating Valentine’s Day with my roommate, playing Mario Kart with my boyfriend until 4 a.m., waking up in my old bed at Christmas, skipping class to rewatch old episodes of Friends. Those are the things I remember most.

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Note: My roommate and I have celebrated V-Day together for ten years.

And to you, that may seem uneventful because, well, it is! But there’s a moment in Up! that sums up what I’m trying to say. Near the end of the movie, Russell is talking to Carl about his workaholic dad. He talks about the way they used to get ice cream together and count the cars as they passed by. Then, in one sentence, our young wilderness explorer perfectly captures the point of the entire movie and, incidentally, life.

As Ellie points out in her sob-worthy note to Carl, life isn’t about the destination. It’s about the adventures along the way, adventures shared with others. Perhaps I will write a bestseller or work for Walt Disney Studios, but more and more I am realizing that the most exciting parts of life are happening right now. As we speak, I’m filling the pages of my own adventure book with “the boring stuff”. Yes, adventure really is out there. You just have to open your eyes and see it.

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Working Full Time, As Told by Disney

You’re fresh out of college, on the cusp of life’s great harvest, teeming with ambition. As successful grown-ups do, you secure a full-time job.

Oh, the joys that await! Personal fulfillment, professional connections—perhaps even a promotion. But sometimes working full time is not all that we expect it to be…

First, you have to wake up before the sky. Fives days a week. On the heels of afternoon classes and optional morning lectures, yeah, it’s gonna’ hurt. Maybe 8 a.m. classes weren’t such a bad idea…

But it’s okay! It’s an opportunity to make use of that state-of-the-art Keurig system—the one you can’t even afford in your dreams after student loans. Each refill is a piping hot dose of get-it-together-you-infantile-weakling. 

So, remember that crazy micromanaging professor who lost her marbles at the sight of a water bottle in her precious 1960s wasteland of a classroom? Yeah, she didn’t make it in the corporate world—surprise! Your dedication to hydration is longer under siege. 

By now, you’ve probably got a closet filled with oversized Kappa T-shirts and a rainbow road of Ugg boots. Get ready to wear your “interview outfit” every single day, because—surprise!—you’ve been dressing like a bum. 

And because you cannot ween yourself from the mocha teet of Starbucks, you are poor. Like Bon Bon self-manicure poor. Kiss Antonio Melani goodbye, because those boots were made for walking—right up to the Dillard’s return desk.

Even at the most amazing job, 40 hours per week can occasionally feel overwhelming. Sure, there’s weekends. But Monday will be back, and she is a brutal, brutal mistress. Proceed with caution, young dancing queens of the world.

Regardless of the pros and cons, all is righted on one day. For on this day—oh, glorious day!—a check is received. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou, pay day, surely art more lovely because NOW I’M FILTHY RICH, SUCKERS!

Naturally, there’s only one thing left to do.

Until you’re poor again.

It’s a vicious cycle, really. Yes the legend of the rent may be way hardcore, but the heroic tale of the entry-level worker bee is not complete. The dawn comes early and the coffee pot often runneth dry, but nothing beats financial independence. 

And that, dear readers, makes everything worthwhile.

 

The Stages of Job Hunting, As Told by Game of Thrones

1.  Stupid Ambition

Job hunting? Please – I’ve got this one, guys. My strategy? I’m going to apply ONLY for insanely prestigious positions that are totally out of my league – like the White House. Yes, I’m applying to the entire White House. Go big or go home, right? I’ll just throw together a quick resume tonight. ‘Aint no thang.

 2. Denial

 

So what I didn’t get that resume written? There’s still ten weeks until graduation anyways. That’s basically forever in college years. Busy, I’m too busy enjoying my last days of freedom – a.k.a. being a worthless tub of lard. I’ll start working on that cover letter right after this season -I mean, episode – of Game of Thrones.

3.  Mild Anxiety

Boy, the weeks are really flying by, huh? It’s fine. No really, it’s fine. I wrote my resume, sent it out to a few places. It’s only a matter of time now until I get a call back. Everything will be fine! Really…

4. Waiting

It’s been four weeks. WHY HASN’T WENDY’S CALLED ME BACK?!

5. Despair

 My mother was right. I should have joined the debate team. Do you think I could add professional reviewer to my resume? I did give New Girl five stars on Netflix, after all. No? That doesn’t count? Then leave me to drown in my Ramen noodles – oh, parting is such sweet sorrow.

6. Redemption

You have done it, my friend. Oh, how victorious a day! For you, corporate warrior, have conquered the dreaded phone interview. YOU ARE NOW EMPLOYED! Go. Take your rightful place upon the throne. For you, dear friend, are now a ruler. A ruler of interns.